Birthday Girl

It’s our daughter Abby’s 7th birthday!  This reminded me of a post I did a couple years ago recalling the experience of her being added to our family.  Click here to read that story.

I was also reminded of the times I’ve been driven to tears hearing her sing her little heart out to the song “Blessings” by Laura Story.  A song about how we often get to see the fulfillment of Romans 8:28 – that God is working all things (even the hard stuff) together for the good of those who love him – in our lives.  Every time I hear Abby sing this song, I am moved as I consider the reality of how her life reflects this so clearly to me… and I pray that she sees it the same way as she grows.

Here are some of the lyrics… for the whole song, click here.  Happy birthday Abby!!!

What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

Psalm 73:28 “But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.”

Recently I had a week where the phrase “the Joy of the Lord is my strength” continually played though my head. Honestly, I had to look it up with Randy to find out where in the Bible is was from! This particular week I had been seeking the Lord; asking for wisdom, peace and a new sense of joy as I have been walking through many weeks of questioning God’s plan for our family and feeling depleted.

When Randy read from Nehemiah 8, it hit me (and still is) how God desires for his people to experience joy. In this chapter in Nehemiah, the Israelites were mourning as they listened to the Law being read. Like the Israelites, how often do I spend my time feeling like I can’t measure up to all the things I ‘have to do’? The truth is, I can’t measure up. I will continually fail and it is all too easy to stay in that mindset of mourning. As Ezra read, the Levites were walking through the crowds helping them to understand the scriptures. As they mourned, the leaders said “do not be grieved for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” I had to think/talk through what that really meant. How is the joy of the Lord my strength? What does that exactly mean? What does that look like?

Through spending time studying, God showed me one sure way to experience joy and peace is by recounting God’s faithfulness. Psalm 143:5-6 “I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done, I ponder the work of your hands. I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.” God strengthens me when I recount the ways He has blessed me and molded me. When I take time to look back at points in my life when I was walking through a time of disappointment, fear or great pain, l see how God worked….on me and how he changed me. I’ve learned that with these trails, God draws me to Himself and I am allowed to know Him more. That gives me much hope! I remember what an amazing, gracious God we serve and I can have joy to walk through the current trial –Let’s face it, being a foster parent comes with all sorts of trials (no pun intended!). The best way to have peace is to live a life of joy.

Finding Joy
How do we do this? I think that we have to constantly remember who supplies us with our joy and lay at his feet. Daily we all have to confess our utter dependence on God. I certainly need his Spirit to change me, refine me and remind me of where my joy comes from. Psalm 51:10-12 “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and a renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and uphold me with a wiling spirit.”

So, the Bible says we need to ask God to change us and renew us. One of the ways I believe God accomplishes this is through our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. We need to live life with other Christians and share with our trials and our joys. Though it might seem strange, one of the most encouraging times I have had in a long while was meeting with a new foster parent and walking through some of the toughest times Randy and I experienced as foster parents. Yes, that’s right – sharing my pain, fears, and struggles resulted in my joy.

Converting Pain into Joy
That evening I was able to tell my new, dear friend that God is faithful! He is the giver and he is the taker and we bless His name! This does not mean we don’t experience pain. If you live the life God calls you to, you most likely will experience deep pain at some point – pain feels bad, but something beautiful happens when we trust God in moments of pain! We trust His sovereignty – that even through the times of sorrow, He has a plan. He not only gives life, he sustains life. I choose to seek after joy – I choose to acknowledge God’s plans are not my plans and praise him for where I am (for an example of what this looks like, see Job 1).

This can be so hard to do, which is why we must actively pursue it. Our human, depraved selves would much rather live in fear or try and control our trials instead of trusting God and looking for joy. Put your hope in the Lord. Psalm 33:20-22 “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”

Fighting for Joy
Sometimes we have to fight for joy. We have to obey God and remind ourselves of His truths – James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” The first thing that I notice from these verses is that James doesn’t say if you meet trials, he says WHEN you meet trials. We are guaranteed to face trials –the important thing is how we deal with these trials as they arise. I am the first to admit I fail to ‘count my trails as joy’ most of the time when I am feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. God has definitely grown me in this area, (praise God!) but I all too quickly forget his faithfulness and his promises. When I don’t feel joyful, I need to fight for joy -persistently! I have to fight to remain faithful to the one who called me to run this race.

My hope is that we all desire to fight for joy. If you are in a season of pain or despair, I pray that God will allow you to see His faithfulness and His love for you.

John 15:9-11 “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”

We cannot love the fatherless if we are not depending on God to supply us with His love. We cannot share the joy of our salvation if we stay in mourning. Foster parents or not, We all have so much opportunity to share the love of Christ with unbelievers. Let’s be brave and proclaim His love. Let’s retell of His wonderful deeds. Let’s fight for joy together.

Watch this Video

Watch this short video to gain a perspective on why some foster kids can exhibit challenging behaviors.  Make sure you watch until the end.

Please share your thoughts…

Should I tell my Kids They’re Adopted?

Today I was emailing with someone who was requesting our perspective on when/how to tell our kids they are adopted. Below is our response – We were told it was helpful and that we should share.

DISCLAIMER: Please know two things: (1) this has become our understanding through struggle – we didn’t always see it this way, and (2) we are not experts in child psychology… this is our understanding from our own experience and the books/seminars we’ve digested over the years…

These are the most common reasons for adoptive parents not telling kids they are adopted are and how the gospel calls for a different thought process…

1. They want to protect kids from being hurt by their past.
The truth is that adoption is necessary because of sin and brokenness. Experts say that every child experiences some amount of trauma/grief/loss when their familial ties are broken – no matter what age they are and what situation they come from. By the time we receive the child, pain is already there… no amount of love can make it so the painful experiences of the past are no longer real.In the gospel, we see God’s love do three things with the pain caused by sin and brokenness. He delivers (as our King), He redeems (as our Savior), and He restores (as our Healer).

While you will never be Christ to your child, you can point them to Christ as you help them heal from those wounds and talk to them about God’s sovereign plan for them – how it involved pain (pain for you too), but is so beautiful.Hiding adoption as a means of protection simply defers the healing process until it has done more damage than it might have done otherwise. It creates a point of crisis for the kids as they realize the truth was withheld from them. It robs the kids of understanding – from a very young age – that their story may be different but that it’s also special. Something to be celebrated, not hidden (hiding is what we do with things we are ashamed of).

2. Parents see birth family as a threat to their own relationships with the kid(s).
This one is hard. Adoptive parents don’t want the child to desire a relationship with other ‘parents.’ Especially parents who have hurt the kid(s) or decided to give up their rights as a parent.Our kids love us. They know we love them. They are securely attached to us as mommy and daddy. There is NO doubt who we are. Still, they desire to understand and to know where they come from. Some more than others. This is a very healthy and natural response. It does not mean they love us less.Ultimately, you have to ask: “Do I trust God enough with this?” “Can I place this issue in His hands, or do I feel I need to control it?”

We have found that our perception of threat has had more to do with our own insecurities and our idolatry of our kids… that we could not handle any sort of disruption to that relationship without our world falling apart. That was the problem for us.This is still hard, and will probably get more difficult as the kids get older – but we believe we trust God more after he brought us through something we were certain we could not survive when we had to give little Haylee back to her mom.  We are thankful He is in control of all this.  We know He is perfectly loving and perfectly good so we rest in that.

How do we tell our kids they’re adopted?  We have always talked about adoption very early on – at a very young age.  Our goal is that out kids would never not know they are adopted.  Obviously, they don’t really understand when they are two or three, but we talk about birth family enough so it isn’t a surprise when they are old enough to understand.  As soon as they started saying things like “I came out of your tummy” we would explain more in detail that someone else grew them in their tummy, but I am your mommy and always will be…something to that effect.

Another thing that has been helpful is making each of them a chronological photo book for their adoptions – it has pictures of when they first came, pictures of birth family, pictures of life in general, and ends with a picture of their adoption ceremony.  This has been really helpful for them and they all love going back to their books and looking through them.

One last thing we do is celebrate their adoptions.  Each child has an adoption day that we celebrate similar to a birthday.  Not only does this give the child a second birthday (being adopted is pretty cool, isn’t it!), it gives us all an opportunity to remember what God has done.  We watch a video that we created for their special day and have cake and some other fun stuff.  Again, adoption should be celebrated – not hidden.

I hope this is helpful – comments welcome!

It’s Not About Us…

I recently preached a sermon on adoption at my church.  In preparing for this sermon, it was as if God sat down next to me and said… “You’re trying to convince the church of something you don’t really believe.”  As much as it pained me, I knew exactly what His admonishment was about.  He was showing me that my stated beliefs (expressed through words and actions) did not align with my actual beliefs (the unrevealed ‘secret’ thoughts of my heart).

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
(Psalm 139:23-24)

This was the problem: I had been failing to recognize Jesus Christ as the central figure of my family’s story.

Let me explain.  Growing our family through foster care and adoption has come with no small amount of romance.  It is not unlike a good, old-fashioned story where the hero saves someone in need, especially when you consider the hero generally goes through some pain in the process.  Right?  Not really, but that’s not too different from how I started to see it.

Partly, this is because of the countless times I have had someone express appreciation or admiration for what we do.  The problem lies not so much in encouragement I have received (Hebrews 10:24), but in how my flesh has dealt with this encouragement.  Over nearly seven years of people being amazed at God’s grace manifesting itself in me in the form of caring for kids in need, I have started to see myself as something remarkable.

If the culmination of the pain, toil, and tears that brought us to those adoption ceremonies is that my kids have me as their dad, the point is lost, and they will ultimately be disappointed.  It’s not about me at all, it’s about Jesus Christ – God incarnate –  who, through his infinite sacrifice on the cross, secured my adoption into his family as a child of God.  He alone is the hero of my story, and I pray he alone is the hero of my kids’ stories.  He experienced unimaginable pain as creatures he lovingly created betrayed him, mocked and beat him, and hung him on the cross, but we were not the admirable damsel in distress.  We, as Paul says in Ephesians 2, were children of wrath… enemies of the King.

It’s not about me.  I love Jesus, and because I also love my children, I will teach them about Jesus.  For this reason, the ultimate benefit of their adoption into my family is that they will grow up knowing the gospel, and experiencing the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control Jesus brings.  If our family story is about anything other than Jesus, we’ve lost the point.  My prayer is that this would be a truth understood by every parent who loves Jesus.  Is it about you, or is it about Jesus?  The answer to this simple question changes everything if you assign to it the weight it demands.

If you want the link to the sermon, here it is (your grace is appreciated, as I’m a rookie)… http://www.damascusroadchurch.org/sermons/sermon/2013-11-17/adoption–gospel—mission

A Monument to the LORD – a Father’s Perspective

I will start by confessing I’m a week late on this… but I didn’t want to just let this one go.

November 13, 2007 started like most days.  It was a Tuesday – I remember that because we had just celebrated my birthday (the 12th) by watching Monday Night Football and eating cake.  Aryn and Nathan (who were still quite far from adoption) gave me a card with a ribbon sticker in it that read “World’s Greatest Dad.”  I got myself up in the morning and went to work.

I don’t remember the time, but at some point in the day I got a phone call that would change my life forever (a fairly real possibility at any moment in time for a foster parent).  It was Kari – the baby had been born…

“I GOT A PHONE CALL THAT WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE FOREVER”

We had known that Aryn and Nathan would have a new sibling born soon – just 7 months or so after they came to live with us.  We had no idea what would happen when the baby was born.  We figured there was about a 25% chance of it coming to us… but had no idea at all.  We found out that our little Abigail Ruth had been born just two days prior – on November 11th.  The state had decided to take custody (for reasons I’m pretty sure I can’t say) and needed a foster home for her.  They were asking us if we could take her…

Of course, our answer was an emphatic “YES!”  Kari rushed to the hospital to meet her for the first time and to do the outpatient processing stuff.  This moment was one that Kari had waited for for several years… a brand new baby to care for.  I also rushed – rushed home.  I think I got there just a moment before Kari arrived.  I will forever remember and cherish the moment we shared together as we marveled at the little girl that we had all of a sudden… it was a special moment, she was so perfect.  I was smitten.  So was Kari… she was truly radiant as she fell in love with this little baby.

It is quite possible we will never have the experience of giving birth to a brand new baby.  We are so thankful for God granting us the experience we had with Abby.  I’m tearing up as I remember the details of this time – knowing that sin and brokenness was pivotal in bringing her into our home; contrasting that with the beauty and purity of a newborn baby.  Remembering the indescribable joy and pride I felt as I got to show her off to everyone; soon tempered by my own insecurities and worry as I began to become more aware of the possibility we wouldn’t keep her forever.  Remembering how helpless and in need of our love, care, and protection she was… and how that is exactly how I was when God called me out of love and made me part of His forever family.

Abby is a unique little girl… there are hundreds, if not thousands, of ways that I could describe her.  Today, she serves as a monument to me of God’s sovereignty, his lovingkindness to me, and the beauty of this world.  But, most of all, she is a momument to Christ crucified for my sin.  That I was to be pitied.  I was powerless, I was broken, I was wounded, I was lost… but also – through Christ – I am cherished, I am victorious, I am courageous, I am whole, I am renewed, I am exactly where He wants me.  I am HIS, and nothing can change that – it is the unshakable ground upon which I stand.

Our First Cut at a Mission Statement

In case you’re curious… what follows is our mission statement.  I’ve been up tweaking it for our meeting tomorrow!  Comments are welcome.

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
1Peter 2:9 (ESV)

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
James 1:27 (ESV)

And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Matthew 28:18-20 (ESV)

Vision Statement:
Our vision is to see a vast increase in the number of Christian foster and adoptive families taking placements in our region, and for those families to love all involved in such a way that they are radically different than other options the state may have.

Mission Statement:
Foster the Gospel exists to promote the spread of the gospel by educating, encouraging, equipping, and supporting the local church in the work of caring for foster children and orphans.  In many ways, the mission of Foster the Gospel is to be a network of like-minded people who work together, according to their gifts and talents, to be a resource to the community in regards to God’s helpless children in our midst.

Breaking it Down…

Why adoption and foster care?
The gospel of Jesus Christ is all about adoption… it is all about God redeeming the brokenness in the world to His own glory… it is all about sacrificial obedience.  We as Christians have all been adopted into the family of God.  In fact, Ephesians 1 teaches that we were predestined for adoption and that God chose us as his children before the foundation of the Earth was laid.  The bible also teaches that this grace freely given to us is not a result of anything we have done or anything we have earned – or anything we could have earned.   It is all the work of God.  His mercy transforms us from children of wrath to joint heirs with His son, Jesus Christ.

International adoptions have become a popular way for Christians to grow their families.  There are orphans in other countries.  In China, baby girls and boys with physical defects are often cast aside as a matter of course.  In Sub-Saharan Africa, 5% of the adult population has HIV, accounting for 75% of all AIDS-related deaths in the entire world.  Seemingly countless children are orphaned as a result.  We believe international adoptions are a worthwhile endeavor.  However, there are still many children in our own country… state… county who need families who will love them.  And nearly all of them can be adopted at no [monetary] cost to the individual.

Foster parenting is a unique opportunity to reflect the image of God in our community.  Being a foster parent means that you make yourself vulnerable to absorb a child into your family not knowing the outcome.  It means you enter into the suffering of the child as you learn details of how they came to be in your home.  It means you love them – not because they look like you or act like you – but because you have chosen to love them.  It means you do things because it is in their best interest – even when it means you experience heartache.  It means you will most likely have significant interactions with the parents – interactions you can use to show them love and compassion that they don’t expect… and may not deserve.

The need for foster parents is great… greater than most would think.  Here are some local statistics worth considering.  Avoid seeing these numbers as anything less than a collection of hurting and vulnerable souls…

• 1. The number of kids per 200 children in Snohomish County that will become a foster child.
• 12,000. The approximate number of foster children in Washington State currently.
• 100. The approximate number of foster homes actively receiving foster children along the I-5 corridor between Bellingham and Renton.
• 10. The number of emails we receive from the state in an average week seeking placement for foster children. These are typically for kids in our area. Assume the number grows to 30 to represent the same coverage area as the 100 families mentioned above. Assume each email represents 1.5 children on average. This represents a total of 45 children PER WEEK for 100 homes.
• 2, 091. The number of adoptions handled by Washington State Children’s Welfare Services in 2009.
• 2,865. The number of foster children in Washington State in the year 2009 who were not adopted but were waiting.
• 850. Foster children in Snohomish County in the year 2010.
• 210. Children of the 850 likely to be adoptable. Assumes a 25% adoption ratio.
• 300. A conservative number of Christian churches in Snohomish County.
• Less than 1.  Number of families per Christian church in Snohomish County per year needed to adopt all kids who need a home.

To see specific children who are legally-free (adoptable) as of now, go to www.adoptuskids.org.

Who is Foster the Gospel For?
As the Christian heart considers this truth of the gospel, it should change one’s entire world view.  What is our response to the existence of children in need of a loving home… children in our own communities?  We are convinced that upon considering the truth of the gospel and the need present in our own faith community, that the Holy Spirit will stir in the hearts of His people and they will act – not out of duty or obligation, but out of love and worship for Him who has adopted us into His family.  Some will be called to grow their families through adoption/foster parenting; some will be called to be a support for those who do.

It is important to note that not everyone will be called to serve as part of this ministry.  Not everyone should be.  1Corinthians 12 teaches that the Church is one body with many parts.  Each part has its purpose and role, as God has chosen.  So, while we endeavor to encourage the church at large to engage in this important work, we will not try to pressure anyone into becoming a foster parent.  We will not equate obedience to God with serving Him in this way.

What is Foster the Gospel?
Realizing that many resources already exist throughout the Puget Sound region, our goal is to focus on resourcing our own community in a way that is helpful, that supplements existing ministries and resources, and that gives individuals the opportunity have ownership of the mission.  While not yet established as such, we will be applying for 501(c)3 non-profit organization status with the government.  This will allow for operational flexibility if the ministry grows.

The vision for Foster the Gospel is threefold:

Educate/Encourage.  We believe that teaching God’s people about His heart for adoption… how the gospel is an adoption story in and of itself… and about his heart for the marginalized, defenseless, and needy will cause the Holy Spirit to move in the hearts of men.  By educating God’s people on the need while reminding them of these things, each person is faced with the question of what their response should be.  Faced with the question of what God has prepared for them.  Ways this could be accomplished:

• Gather.  Hold gatherings (quarterly?) for whoever is interested.  We would share our lives and our unique stories over a meal.  This could be coupled with a short seminar, personal testimony, or guest speaker.
• Blog.  Maintain a blog that people can subscribe to.  The blog could include entries written by many different people about their experiences, what they’re learning about God through orphan care, etc.  A current blog exists at www.fosterthegospel.org.
• Promote.  Share the vision with other 3-Strand, Acts29, or other churches, as their interest allows.  Reproduction vs. Partnering?
• Help.  Offer personal assistance to couples wanting to know more.  There are many aspects of foster parenting or adoption that are scary and/or intimidating.  Answer pragmatic questions, pray for them, encourage them to be bold, encourage through personal experiences, etc.

Network.  As foster parents who have adopted three children through the state foster care system, we understand some of the unique needs that exist for families engaged in caring for orphans and foster children.  We also know from experience how helpful it can be to reach out for help from someone who’s been where you are.  We want to make it easy for people to connect with others who are or have been on the same journey.

• Community.  Form a gospel-focused orphan-care community for people to engage in.  This could be as simple as the dinner meetings mentioned above.  Or, it could be a road group.  The idea is to provide a venue for gospel-encouragement.
• Facebook.  Create a Facebook page for people to connect via their computers/phones. This also increases visibility of the ever present need for godly homes for foster kids.  See www.facebook.com/FosterTheGospel.
• [Online] Community.  Create a social-networking site (theCity).  This provides much of the same benefits of a Facebook page, but allows for a closed community that can share needs, prayer requests, etc. without the whole world seeing.
• Partner.  Connect with other local ministries (ie Antioch, Youth for Christ?, Lutheran Community Services?, etc.) and state employees so we are aware of specific needs/procedures/issues in our area.  This would increase our savvy, which would increase our usefulness.

Resource.  Children have needs.  They need clothes, toys, blankets, etc.  Families who take in foster or adoptive children have unique needs that can be difficult… sometimes impossible to predict and prepare for.

• Welcome.  When a family has a new placement, bring a meal, blanket, clothes to look through, and even a few toys for the child being placed in the home.  The idea is to provide for those immediate needs and to provide a natural way to encourage, pray for, and support the family.
• Clothes Closet.  Collect donations for childrens’ clothing (0-6 years) to have on-hand for foster parents to choose from as they have need.  Explore other partnering possibilities (i.e., St. Joseph’s house?).
• Create.  Encourage those with special gifts/interests (sewing, knitting, cooking, woodworking, painting, etc.) to participate by creating things to give to kids.

This ministry will grow initially through natural relationships and connections – potentially expanding to include people from many churches in the Everett/Marysville area.  While growth is something we think about and even plan for, it is not growth that determines success or failure.  Obedience to the call of God does not always result in earthly success, but we pray earnestly for success in that more people would experience adoption into God’s family as a result of this ministry.

To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever.  Amen.  (Jude 24-25)

Shared Post – The Sovereignty of God in Foster Care

I could write something, but Pastor Jason Johnson – a foster parent in Texas – says it well…

http://www.woodlandspoint.org/2012/11/06/the-sovereignty-of-god-in-foster-care/

Upcoming Meeting: November 11

Join us for our FIRST informational meeting at Damascus Road Church in Marysville, WA. 1050 State Avenue. We’ll provide some pizza. Come if you want to know more about foster care and adoption – or if you simply want to know how you can support those who become foster/adoptive parents. The meeting is after the second service… At about 12:30.

Also, we’ve added a rough draft of a description of who we are – click “HOME” to give it a look.

God’s Goodness – Our Story

Sing, O Barren One… (Isaiah 54:1)

Randy and I met at our youth group in high school.  I was 15 years old and Randy was 17 when we began “dating”. Four years later, on August 3, 2002 we were married.  We have been blessed with a wonderful marriage, though our life didn’t turn out the way I had planned it. God had a different plan.

Randy was in college for the first three years of marriage, while I worked full-time to pay the bills.  Our plan, well, my plan was to quit working the day he graduated because I would be about six months pregnant (of course)!  My life-long dream was to be a stay-at-home mommy and I had it all planned out. Every month I hoped to find out I was expecting.  Every month I was disappointed and sad.  Every month Randy felt as if he had run out of things to say and ways to encourage me. It was a difficult thing for a newly-married couple to deal with.

After several months of trying I spoke with my doctor, who told me I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome – but that I could easily still conceive.  She put me on a couple different medicines, but six months later told me there was nothing else she could do and referred me to a specialist.

In the spring of 2006 I clearly remember crying out to God. I wanted Him to fill the desires of my heart.  I knew that wanting to be a mother wasn’t sinful and surely He wanted to grant me my request!  This was the first time I remember  hearing God clearly speak to me – when I look back and remember this, it reminds me of our Father’s love for His children.  He told me that he was going to give me a child – a girl (the crazy thing was that my daughter Aryn… whom I had not yet met… was two years old at the time). I asked God when he would fulfill His promise… all He said was, “Soon.”  So, of course I assumed that I would be pregnant that next month… wrong again!

Then after trying to conceive for a total of two years we decided to go to the specialist – God had not fulfilled his promise. Again they said it would be so easy to get me pregnant. We continued seeking out ways for us to fill the desire of becoming parents. The further into this trial we got, the more clearly we saw we were fighting God’s will for our lives. At the last fertility appointment we went to, I knew without a shadow of a doubt we were approaching our situation wrongly. I knew we were chasing what we wanted for ourselves without really involving God. I knew – and later Randy confirmed he knew – this was not how God planned to grow our family. We stopped pushing for our way and starting praying and really listening to God.

He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children.  Praise the LORD! (Psalm 113:9)

Randy and I both had been given the desire to adopt long before we tried to conceive.  I believe this was a gift from God.  We had a heart for the orphans, but I had always assumed it was for the orphans overseas… and that it would be something that would happen after we had “our own” kids. You know, the “Christian” thing to do. I had even looked into foster care over a year earlier, but was so overwhelmed with the process they asked you to go through, I thought that was not for me (there are few things I dislike more than filling out paperwork).  But, God’s plan for our lives was different than ours.  The amazing thing was that once Randy and I submitted to God and were truly seeking His will, the burden I had carried, the resentment I had, the feeling of anxiousness and emptiness were gone. For the first time in a very long time I had joy. And I had that joy despite not having the very thing I had thought for so long was the key to my contentment.

In December of 2006 we met with some friends I knew who were foster parents. Randy and I felt that this was the road God was calling us to, but I was so scared… yet strangely excited. After talking to them I was excited  to start the journey Randy and I went to a foster parent orientation in January of 2007. We fulfilled every single requirement by the state as quickly as we could… whether it was a meeting, class, application, phone call… it made no difference.  Not a day went by – literally – with us not moving as fast as we could. I knew this was the path God wanted for our family, and it didn’t make sense to wait longer than we already had. On March 26, 2007 we were licensed (much, much quicker than the average family)! We were so excited for who God was going to bring to our door. We had no idea what would happen.  Would it be hours, days, weeks?  Would there be one or two? Boy or girl? What would their reason for needing a home be? Would they be sick?  Would I be able to love them enough? There were so many questions!

Thankfully, we did not have to wait long this time.  As if to make a point, God brought us what we had been longing for within 24 hours. The next morning, March 27, 2007, I received a call to care for two of four siblings. They asked me to choose which two I wanted so I chose Aryn and Nathan. We knew next to nothing about where they came from, what their situation was, or what they were like.  It’s weird to look back on this moment and realize the importance of that decision which was made so quickly… in a whirlwind.  I picked two children because that’s all we were licensed for.  It was God that caused me to choose the two I did.  Had I known more of the story, I might have picked differently for some practical reasons not worth discussing here.

Two hours later, I met our beautiful children. We feel in love with them so quickly – so quickly that it scared us! God gave me the ability to love these children as if they were my own from the first day. We knew it was our role to protect, nurture, provide for, and love them for as long as we could.  So we embraced it! Soon, our family grew even more… seven months later, Abigail was born and came to live with us. All three would eventually be adopted.

Our Day in Court – Aryn’s Adoption

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content… {Phillipians 4:11)

I would love to say that the life of a foster family is simple and easy, full of flowers and smiles, but that would be a lie. The life of a foster parent can be busy, stressful and very fearful. I also would love to say that I was fully dependent on God at every moment, but that too would be a lie. It is a sinful mistake that I pray others will learn from. I was in constant fear of these three children leaving our home. I wanted to control their future and absolutely did not trust God to take care of their lives.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that I could have gone through those years loving them just as I did while relying on God to give me what I needed when I needed it. The truth is He would have given me His perfect peace – peace that passes all understanding.  His Holy Spirit would have guarded my mind and my heart if I would have asked. But I wanted to be in control. This made it a long three years (to the day) before Aryn’s adoption was complete (the others were adopted the summer before).

I would love to write out the whole story, but it would take way too much of your time to read! I do want to say that looking back on this case, I see God’s hand in so many situations that I feel as if I could write for hours. Even though it was a hard few years, it was still a period of time full of joy and love. God has taught me so much, I want to share it will anyone willing to listen. Among many things, God has shown me that even though being a foster and adoptive parent is hard and can be heartbreaking, He chose this path for us. God closed my womb for His purpose and for His glory.

My hope and desire is that we can be a support to others going through what we have. We as Christians are called to live out the gospel in our lives and share it with others. I think how we do that can vary from person to person, but whether or not we do is not left open to interpretation. Loving the fatherless and orphaned is one very real way God’s people can live out the gospel. Not everyone is called to care for these children, but I pray that the Church will prayerfully consider if God is calling them to it.There are also many other ways to get involved in caring for the orphaned and fatherless.  Hopefully we can be an avenue of God’s grace in accomplishing the work of Christ as we care for the children who need loving homes… and even as we love and care for the families they came from.